Oh Mother!

 

 

Her tears have refused to dry. Her longing and anguish have brought Tarfa’s hopes all the way from Saudi Arabia to Bangalore, her mother’s city. It was 20 years ago that her mother Nazma had been married off to an old, but rich, Arab sheikh at age 16—only to be given a talaaq and sent back to India after she had served her purpose, that of bearing the old man a child.

India continues to serve as a happy hunting ground for affluent Arabs in search of child brides who are married off for a sum, a practice that thrives in many of our poverty-stricken lanes, away from the prying eyes of civil society and the law. While some are caught trying to smuggle out their young ‘wives’, others get away, the stories of the unfortunate girls forgotten with every passing day, their lives often reduced to those of hapless slaves in a faraway land.

Away from such shameful acts of society, though, Tarfa’s personal crusade has raged on for two years now. She first got to know about her mother after her voice crackled alive from a cassette Tarfa chanced upon while searching through a pile of old books. The tape, as it turned out, was one that her mother had sent her father Sheikh Abdul Rehaman Mohammed Abdullah, now 90, pleading for sympathy which, as expected, and as has often been the practice in such cases, was not forthcoming. The heartrending tale of the child, mother and castaway wife was to change Tarfa’s life. Despite being 20 and of marriageable age, Tarfa, who was a student at a madarsa in Riyadh when she first got to know about Nazma, has decided not to marry till she meets her mother.

Tarfa’s search, though, has been a difficult task. All she has of her mother are the cassette and photocopies of her passport and visa, and that too with a picture that, unlike the fire that burns in Tarfa’s heart, is blurred and hazy. That apart, the address on the passport—Ayesha, daughter of Mohammed Umer Abdul Karim, Plot No. 44, L-line, P No 12, Govendi, Shivaji Nagar, Bombay-400043—has turned out to be fictitious. The authorities first got to know of Tarfa’s search after she approached the Indian Embassy at Riyadh in February this year. Shamshad Sheikh, an official at the embassy, forwarded the case to the ‘Dalit, Backward and Minority Sangha’, an NGO in Bangalore, the clue coming from the tape where Nazma speaks of her home being in the city. “We found out that the name, age and address mentioned in the passport are fake,” says Nazim Khan, vice president of the sangha. “It’s always easier getting a passport to Arabian countries from Mumbai which is why they provided an address from the city. And of course, the passport said her name was Ayesha.”

In her cassette to her former husband, Nazma speaks of her home being in Goripalya in Bangalore. Her father, Mohammed Umer Abdul Karim, she says, was a petty coconut seller who used to travel between Bangalore and Kerala frequently. Her mother and two brothers made a little money selling agarbattis. One of her brothers then found a living driving rented auto-rickshaws, she says. “Twenty years ago, international calls were very expensive and the poor were mostly illiterate and could not send letters,” says Khan. “The Arabic language too was a problem. That is why they sent recorded cassettes.” The NGO’s search in Bangalore’s Goripalya too revealed nothing about Nazma’s whereabouts.

The little first-hand information that the authorities now have of Nazma comes from a person called Farida, who had spoken to her often during the girl’s 14-month marriage in Saudi Arabia. Farida, who is from Bangalore as well, was also married to a Saudi sheikh who happens to be a close relative of Tarfa’s father. She was luckier though—unlike the ill-fated Nazma, Farida continues to be with her husband and is happy.

Farida also agreed to act as an interpreter for Tarfa during a chat that TSI had with her, as she speaks only Arabic. “I am happy here,” Tarfa sobbed over the phone. “My father and step brothers and sisters have looked after me well, but I want to see my mother. Please help me find her.”

Farida had seen Nazma “almost 20 years ago when she was in Riyadh”. “She was very thin but beautiful,” says Farida, “Tarfa naturally resembles her mother.” Nazma had also told Farida that her home was somewhere in Frazer Town in Bangalore. However, a search there too revealed nothing, says Khan. “Nazma was too little a girl when she was married off and may not have been clear about the location they were in,” he says, “or, maybe, her family shifted to Goripalya after she got married. We did not come up with anything in our search in the two places.”

And even as Tarfa’s search for her mother continues, the problem of old Arabs looking for young brides isn’t over, says Khan. “This is not a new phenomenon and old sheikhs come to India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and Indonesia looking for wives. Shariat law allows for four wives at a time, while sex without marriage is a crime. Besides this, it is difficult to get brides in Saudi as grooms have to pay exorbitant amounts of money as ‘mohra’. Which is why they turn to Asia.” According to Khan, middlemen organize “bride shows” for Arab sheikhs in big hotels to help them choose their girls. Very little of the money goes to the girls' parents. The middlemen corner most of it.

Of such victims, one was Nazma, name changed to Ayesha and married off to a Saudi sheikh at the tender age 16 from Bangalore, only to bear a child and then be banished back to India, at age 17. Nazma’s daughter, who she had to leave alone 20 years ago in a faraway land, now waits for her mother to come home… “Saudi Arabia doesn’t have strict marriage laws”

K. Divyadarshini interviews Shamshad Shaikh, Indian embassy official in Riyadh dealing with the ‘Tarfa case’

TSI: Has the Indian Embassy received such a case before?

Shaikh: No. This is the first ever case I have seen. There are officials who have worked here for 17 years and even for them this is unique.

TSI: Has there been any progress in the case?

Shaikh: Unfortunately no. We launched the search as soon as Tarfa approached us. We had approached the Bangalore police commissioner and other officials, but we have not received anything positive yet. We have also talked to the people in the area where Tarfa’s mother is believed to have lived. We also approached the Mumbai authorities but to no avail. TSI: Didn’t you get anything from the passport or the marriage certificate?

Shaikh: The wedding took place in Mumbai. Investigation revealed that ‘Ayesha’ was a fake name and that Tarfa’s mother was actually called Nazma. Further investigation revealed that the address on the passport too was fake.

TSI: What according to you is behind this phenomenon?

Shaikh: Poverty is the major cause. Poor families here agree to get their daughters married off to Arabs because of the money they get. So what could happen in the years that follow isn’t taken into consideration. Lack of knowledge and a broader world view are also major reasons. People are taking advantage of Islamic laws related to marriage. Things though have changed now; India now has strict laws, which makes it difficult for people to enter India and marry a girl from a poor family and fly off as was the case before.

TSI: Did Tarfa face problems with her family while approaching the embassy?

Shaikh: She has not revealed the matter to anyone except her father. Her father is very old now and has agreed to let her go ahead with her search. Arabs are very orthodox and normally would not allow such a thing. Telling her relatives would have created problems for her. She calls us every single day to ask about her mother. It’s terrible to see a daughter searching for her mother like this.

TSI: What does Saudi Arabian law say about such marriages?

Shaikh: Saudi Arabian law does not have restrictions regarding such marriages and people are free to marry from across the world. They provide citizenship to girls who come to Saudi after marrying an Arab. The only restriction they have is that the women they marry should be Muslim.