Disgusting Dispositions - Prehistory repeats itself

 

 

Clumsypithecus sat on the rock, satiated and chock-a-block. The raw fish and steak were delicious. He smiled at his wife, Gracypithecus; his thirty-two glittered in its splendorous yellow. He craned his neck looking skywards and let out a cave-rumbling belch. Staleness filled the air; the odour was sour. Gracypithecus stormed into the cave in disgust! Out of sheer frustration, she carved out the entire episode on the walls of the cave. Thus was created the first recording of the pre-historic belch.

Little had Gracy.P surmised that this was only the beginning of an epic to be recorded. She had to contend with a dozen other annoying avocations of Clumsy.P. His OCN (Obsessive, Compulsive Nose-Digging) was the most prominent. It took a while for her to discover the reason for his empty-handed returns from the hunting expeditions. He always set out determined, but on the way a single tempting tingle in the nostrils invariably led him to the nearest tree, under the cool shade of which the rest of the day was spent lost in the labyrinthine depths of his nasal orifice. Upon return from the hunt, a trail of his clothes was left from the door of the cave to the room, with his woolly-mammoth bottoms gracing the dining rock! Gracy.P, muttering a few unmentionables, picked each one of them and put them to the cleaners. The saga was similar with the dishes after breakfast, lunch and dinner. They were left in the sink to stink, only to be cleaned by her.

If there was anything more disgusting for Gracy.P it was Clumsy.P’s relaxation. Ensconced on the rocky-sofa, his countenance suddenly contorted, yet his eyes with a glint of anticipation, he would slowly lean sideways and with a grunt, break the wind. The unsuspecting world only suffered in silence! Gracy.P carved in disgust.

The worst was yet to come in the Pithecus get-together, where in front of all the distinguished Pithecusians, Clumsy.P without any hesitation, conveniently ‘self-adjusted’. If only Gracy.P knew, she would have taken heart in the fact that this was a common phenomenon in all the neighbouring cavillas of the Pithecus society. Similar records were also found in the caves of the Erectus society. It was probably the beginning of an epidemic. Ironically, it didn’t take a single life – it was just there in everyone’s life!

Returning back to the Pithecusian belch: after the fire was discovered, the fish and steak were not gorged raw anymore. But the belch of Clumsy.P remained as odoriferous as ever. Gracy.P is said to have continued carving until the last days of her eventful life. Billions of years later, a learned man said: “History repeats itself”. It is obvious that he inadvertently overlooked the prefix ‘Pre’.



Case in point Flatulence with a grin; only a male can manage. Self-adjustment in public; a man’s territory explored! Wet towel on the bed and dishes in the sink for the aesthetic eyes – men only! One hand busy with the nose while the other operating the remote, a man’s multi-tasking marvel! It’s not just you – it’s a pre-historic predicament!



The moves Stop washing the dishes. Yes that’s it.

• Don’t shush him on his belches – it makes him feel like a schoolboy! Instead, point out that it might not be a professionally rewarding behaviour if he continues this elsewhere.

• Ditto with his nose-digs and wind-breakers!